Swallowed Whole

I say,

 I want to be alone forever. 

I repeat my poem,

 if this loneliness shall take me, let it swallow me whole. 

I say,

 I was not made to be loved, merely to love anything with a heartbeat. To give love, not take it. 

I say,

I want to be alone forever. 

But what I am really saying is, 

what I search for can not be found here. I am not itching for vices, for fleeting moments, temporary was the only gift ever given to me, so why would I seek what I have already consumed to fill my empty belly? Why would I crave something that never satisfied me? I want permanent, undivided, all consuming, confident, and compassion. I want love. Vulnerability. 

I know that this is an ask that is beyond what can be found here. People follow vices like blind mice scurrying after the scent of garbage. Gravitating toward their bets, trade offs, and hookups. 

And so I ask, 

How am I supposed to trust anything with a heartbeat?

And why do I so freely love everything that has one, anyway?

When I say that I want to be alone forever

I am saying, 

I want to be understood.

I am saying, 

I want to rest my weary head upon a heartbeat that falls into rhythm with my own.

I don’t want to be alone forever.  !!

I want love.

I want all consuming love.

-The Poet Profitable